Gabble, gabble, gabble

[afufle]

I can't find anything at the local news sites about the deliberately set Tent City fire. I can't figure out if this just isn't news to them--though this was a big issue a few years ago--or whether there is actually some kind of cover up, because downtown Cincinnati is now "cleaned-up", absolutely no begging or panhandling allowed. Asking someone for a dime for bus fare is technically illegal. But there used to be a lot of people doing that.

There is one guy who had to have surgery on his arm, though, this from The homeless outreach director at church, on her facebook. One of the places burned down had a bunch of guys in it who had just started their own business. Who knows if the arsonist had no respect or was actually trying to better the world? If he'd waited longer the problem would have healed itself.

I'm dogsitting this week, housesitting. And eating way too much, it's that way when I come here. Usually I don't eat that well, and here I've got a ton of stuff, potato chips, cookies, even things like raisin bran and whole wheat pasta. I really have slim pickings at home. I even have diet pop here, very rare--I don't like to spend money on colored flavored water! But it tastes better than plain water. I really have a monotonous diet at home (don't ask).

But it's not organized, I need to think about it more, panic less. I was watching Hook of all things today, not much here to watch but a few kids movies. Wish I'd gone to the library and gotten something decent. But I was watching the food scene where the kids are all eating out of what appear to be empty bowls, and enjoying it and describing what they're eating, and poor Peter is looking forlorn and hungry. The power of imagination is amazing in Neverland, but he's left his imagination behind with childhood. It suddenly occurs to me that imagination is important in my diet, that I'm responding to outside cues too much, if that makes sense.

Not that I need to believe more, but that I need a stronger image of what I want in my head. So I don't give in to temptation so much, and so that I can believe it'll happen soon, on those days when there isn't much there.

And Hook actually made me cry, for some reason when Wendy is talking to Peter about him not coming back, a bucket or so unleashed. I totally don't know why I cry at books. I cried when Arwen went to Lothlorien for the last time in the index of Lord of the Rings, and when Gandalf had that unfortunate mishap in the Mines. Buckets, again. I thought maybe it was related to unfortunate events in my life that I never cried at, because I just don't grieve like normal people, and maybe I only felt secure at releasing in tune with fiction. But still wonder.

As far as books, I just finished reading The Other, by David Guterman, it's really good though a bit sad. It is the book up for discussion by the book club at the local library this month. I'm realizing that whatever they are reading is probably a good pick for me if I'm bored. I've read three or four of them and I'm really happy with what they choose.

Comments

[angelspensieve.livejournal.com]

I say take advantage of the good food while it lasts. Is there any way you can get assistance for food when you are at home?

I cry at thing like that. Nothing wrong with it. Actually I think it helps get out some of the frustrations that we keep bottled up inside. Movies are a great release for our frustrations.

[afufle.livejournal.com]

Maybe though church I can get assistance for a while, but for food stamps other than the first 3 months, no assistance, unless you take a job from their list of employers. Well, I've been raped by co-workers twice, and until the root of that problem is fixed, no way. It's been 15 years since I held a steady job. I haven't been able to since, except for 3 months. I thought I was doing well when the second incident of rape happened. And I was not able to remember the first at that point, & my alters hid the first incident that happened in the early 80s.

It's been 15 years of no jobs other than odd jobs and that 3 month one where I got raped. I've been trying since then to get help just for my head. I can't get aid for housing or food until I'm ready to submit to complete incompetence that could mess me up worse than I am now.

Sorry that was so long, I keep trying to cut it down. For now the answer for food is catch as catch can, same as it's been for years. I may be able to start getting assistance from church--I've gotten a little emergency help from friends at church, and there is more formal assistance available--but I just hate asking for it. I don't know what's required.

Thanks, about the books, that makes me feel better, I'm not the only one who reacts so strongly to fiction.

[angelspensieve.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry to hear about the rapes! I could never imagine in my wildest dreams what that could be like. God Bless you for keeping on!

Any time you need to get thing out and open please feel free to do so. This is what friends are for.

As always you are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

[afufle.livejournal.com]

I didn't even know about them myself, really. Apparently multiples form when you have trauma you can't handle. They hold memories until you are able to deal with them. There were a lot of factors that kept me from knowing what was going on in my life, and I am late in realizing the multiplicity. I am glad I had some good therapists to catch me when the light went on and I realized what must be going on.

Thank you for your friendship and loyalty, it is much appreciated.