Now on this spot I stand with my robust soul

Dreamwidth, thank you, this is terrific. I cannot believe it took about 2 minutes to get my whole journal over here.

Making a post, sort of for fear that LJ deletes journals that haven't been posted in in a long time.

Be surprised if I get a hollaback, but if I do, howdy. :D

I'm watching Mandy Patinkin on Youtube..Bali Hai....Sigh....

Never got my letter from Pottermore.

Interactive Gumby and Pokey artist Google logo:

http://www.google.com/logos/2011/gumby-2011-res.png

It's cold in the library! Other than that a beautiful day where I am. I went out and sat in a convenience store--cheap decent coffee with real cream, and this is actually kind of a nice place, has a nice landscaped yard and trees, there is a big wall of glass to look out on the yard and street. I journalled in my paper journal, which I am liking a lot. This is in my neighborhood, so I go there a lot.

I had a "coffee-chino" half coffee and half foamy cocoa or cappucino, I serve myself & don't quite know what the cappuccino is supposed to be. Well, it tastes good and chocolatey, and foamy.

I woke up early and was a bit freaked out--being in any time of my life when I was going to church always brought up some apocalyptically freaky and horrible feelings--that is why I didn't go to church for 25 years, and before that was kind of spotty. I was seriously going nuts. This time it's rather different, but...

I'm leaving this church on Nov. 22nd, which is my one year anniversary date there. I feel like I've made some friends and I do intend to keep in contact with them, I sure hope. And I am certainly going to keep with my counselors, they are my friends and we meet once or twice a week. Friday nights is a community night, more to do with worship and fellowship than therapy. Though what's better for you than hanging with good friends?

See y'all!

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Actually I wish I didn't. My sun sign doesn't describe me, I'm not motherly like Cancers, am not interested in the home, etc. But my birth chart explains why--I've got this blockage in my 12th house, the house of the spirit. Saturn in Capricorn makes me want all the things Cancers don't car that much about but Capricorns do. IT makes me say screw my life, I want what I want. And what I want's not good for me.

Yes, my natal chart tells me all my failures, which are all accurate, but it doesn't tell me my strengths or how to overcome my failures. And as far as I know, 12 house stuff doesn't clear out completely till you get to old age. There are some benefits, but I sure wish Saturn would have been in the 1st house, not the 12th.

I can't help believing in it for some reason--but why? What darned good does it do me?

They hurt you, they don't even know you and they treat you like a slab of meat. Er, yeah, I had a headache, hadn't slept and something really nasty in my eye suddenly, all coming together in the same afternoon at the beach. Lol, long story short I had a really good time in Savannah (Georgia), got to know my new friends better, my counselors paid for everything, they know I don't have any money. It was by turns horrible and fanastic, but working in toward the point where I got rid of a lot of crap, the jellyfish sting lasted only a few hours (I was just worried about it and thought it might be the type of thing you'd have to go to hospital for, haha, people just say to pee on it). The lifeguard station had stuff to spray on it, it wasn't a large area.

The headache was completely gone after church service, I prayed about. I flushed the eye out gently in the shower, and got enough sleep. Also the church sessions gradually got better. I am sure the kind of person who needs to get to know my surroundings and the kind of people I am with before I can relax. But that's what happened, I had really good experiences and connections at the Mountain of Worship Conference, got to know my newer friends better, like them more than I thought.

And the sightseeing and walks on the beach, watching the sunrise were SO relaxing, the food was good--bleah bleah bleah! I feel recharged and relaxed. :)

I can't find anything at the local news sites about the deliberately set Tent City fire. I can't figure out if this just isn't news to them--though this was a big issue a few years ago--or whether there is actually some kind of cover up, because downtown Cincinnati is now "cleaned-up", absolutely no begging or panhandling allowed. Asking someone for a dime for bus fare is technically illegal. But there used to be a lot of people doing that.

There is one guy who had to have surgery on his arm, though, this from The homeless outreach director at church, on her facebook. One of the places burned down had a bunch of guys in it who had just started their own business. Who knows if the arsonist had no respect or was actually trying to better the world? If he'd waited longer the problem would have healed itself.

I'm dogsitting this week, housesitting. And eating way too much, it's that way when I come here. Usually I don't eat that well, and here I've got a ton of stuff, potato chips, cookies, even things like raisin bran and whole wheat pasta. I really have slim pickings at home. I even have diet pop here, very rare--I don't like to spend money on colored flavored water! But it tastes better than plain water. I really have a monotonous diet at home (don't ask).

But it's not organized, I need to think about it more, panic less. I was watching Hook of all things today, not much here to watch but a few kids movies. Wish I'd gone to the library and gotten something decent. But I was watching the food scene where the kids are all eating out of what appear to be empty bowls, and enjoying it and describing what they're eating, and poor Peter is looking forlorn and hungry. The power of imagination is amazing in Neverland, but he's left his imagination behind with childhood. It suddenly occurs to me that imagination is important in my diet, that I'm responding to outside cues too much, if that makes sense.

Not that I need to believe more, but that I need a stronger image of what I want in my head. So I don't give in to temptation so much, and so that I can believe it'll happen soon, on those days when there isn't much there.

And Hook actually made me cry, for some reason when Wendy is talking to Peter about him not coming back, a bucket or so unleashed. I totally don't know why I cry at books. I cried when Arwen went to Lothlorien for the last time in the index of Lord of the Rings, and when Gandalf had that unfortunate mishap in the Mines. Buckets, again. I thought maybe it was related to unfortunate events in my life that I never cried at, because I just don't grieve like normal people, and maybe I only felt secure at releasing in tune with fiction. But still wonder.

As far as books, I just finished reading The Other, by David Guterman, it's really good though a bit sad. It is the book up for discussion by the book club at the local library this month. I'm realizing that whatever they are reading is probably a good pick for me if I'm bored. I've read three or four of them and I'm really happy with what they choose.

I didn't find anything out about the little girls yet; owing to my unique ability to block out anything important or urgent or life-threatening, I forgot about it. It's kind of scary, and I keep my paper journal to help me remember thing. Otherwise I get into scintillating conversations with people, but when I see them again they mention what we talked about last, and it's hard not to give a blank look. I get excited, really excited about stuff, and oddly when the conversation is over with, I go home and the enthusiasm wears off, and I'm stuck with the same old me. I just don't care. I think it scares me. I would think it's old age, but I remember that happening once when I was  kid. I think I know now why it happens, it's just me blocking out stuff when I'm talking to people outside the house, but then when I get home, the awfulness seizes me and I'm a different person, dealing with it in a different way. I hope I find out what happened to those little girls.

I saw my #2 bro and sis yesterday, they drove me and mom over to their house across town, the one they had been renting while they lived out of town. It definitely looks like they are going to try and work and live here now, after a long time of living out of the city.

Bro mistakenly offered her a glass of wine, then went, oops! nevermind, no wine. She then said, oh no, I've quit smoking and I've quit drinking. Well, she did quit smoking years ago, cold turkey. But she is not drinking because she cannot drive, the doctor diagnosed her with dementia. No keys, no driving. I don't know how many times she quit, told people that she had, then drifted back into it, drinking hard. Lost teeth to too much alchohol,drank herself into the hospital twice, amost killed herself the last time.  She's tried since then to "get the car keys", but no way, of course. 

Last month or two ago our cordless phone and microwave just quit working. Both were years and years old, but it's funny they went at the same time. I'm starting to put two and two together and wonder though. Shortly before it happened, I was in the kitchen, waiting for my coffee to warm, listening to the weather report on the phone. I heard an odd crackling and realized I was maybe too close the micrawave with the phone. A couple weeks later, they both just died, the microwave took a while. Like I say they were both quite old, but the timing is funny. Darn. We had to go back to heating up on the stove and the old corded phone, since older bro and I are not working, no way were we even going to talk about chipping in for a new one. Mom is retired and Sis does so much already.

--Off to the store to get toilet paper, what a thrill.

I came to the library and got the computer with headphones--not all that sure why, but automatically went to nationalamusments.com and ...oh, I wasn't going to tease myself with the HP Half Blood Prince trailer, because it drives me crazy to take the bus all the way to where the good theatres are...2 1/2 hours ther & same back, I have to bring food with me because it's so expensive, sit alone because that's how an addiction goes--or wait till it's  in cheap theaters which is not so much of a hassle, but still a hassle. And a big long wait.

But you know there are 4 HP trailers out--YOU COWARD!!!!--er, sorry. And I'm loving them. Where there's a will there's a way....

I went to a homeless outreach picnic this weekend. I told the organizer, I don't resources like car or food or money, but I can do backrubs. She said is this a trick question? It was fun except when you are that down and out there is usually a reason.  I made the mistake of telling one girl I have MPD--I will never do that again, I hope. I also said something a bit creepy about something demonic at one point--about me, rebuking a spirit. Well, that may have done it.

The organizer kept driving people everywhere, I gave her some money for gas and she spent it on ice cream for the guys. At a kind of expensive spot. They are doing pretty well taking care of themselves, though. The one guy, who gave me a bag with a pound of hot dogs & some buns, corn & macaroni salad. On the way home, organizer asked, were there any leftovers-no, none--right away from the guy who gave me the goodies. He had been kind of taking care of some other people too. I'm going to tell KC, the organizer--but nicely since I took some, thought it was okay. I'm pretty sure she already knows.

I wonder if I could come up with macaroni salad a bit cheaper than to buy it at the deli. All it had were mayo, mustard, pickle shreds and macaroni. Come to think of it it was almost untouched. Whatever, there's a museum there in the park, I'm going there next time.  And if I have the bucks will take the bus home, it took forever for her to ferry everyone home.

Linda took me out to lunch at Palomino downtown,  chicken piccata in butter lemon sauce with green beans, creme brulee for dessert. We also had coffee with half-n-half, so suffered the results later with a quick tummyache. Went to the Taft Museum, if you are ever in downtown Cincinnati, it's small but the permanent collection is worth seeing--IMO. 

Got home, B-Day dinner, pretty nice of Mom, since she doesn't have much. Older bro just sat there, didn't say anything, didn't wish me happy birthday, ate plenty. Nice card from Sis and some money in it too. I know she's not rich, so nice of her. Dad sent 50$ & a card. Well that's enough

Dang library kicking me out again!