Ouch--almost out of wallets
Dec. 1st, 2008 05:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
afufleI went to the downtown library yesterday, had a feeling like something wasn't right. I felt like that the whole day there, just nothing went right and I couldn't get comfortable. I walked around quite a bit and settled here and there, made a drawing of a statue down in the garden outside the children's section of the library.
And blah, blah, blah and I got on a computer and felt like there were things I should be doing other than just playing a darned game, like adding to the gratitude list at my online Al-Anon email group. But I felt sad and couldn't do it, just gaming.
Then I noticed, as the announcement came that the library was closing--gee, something was missing. I had three bags when I got there, and for most of the time there, then at the end of the day, two. And it was not my books or my groceries that were missing, it was my handbag with my wallet, ID, money, flash drive, key to a friends house.
I have no idea whether it was actually stolen, or if I left it somehow and then it was taken. I did retrace my steps as far as I could, then reported it to security, checked back with them today. No luck, they said make a police report. Police said, Lost or Stolen? I finally settled on stolen.
I hope whoever found it gets a conscience and decides to at least leave the bag somewhere, but this is downtown, where there are some rough people. This is going to cost me as I had money for group literature, not to mention a money order I had in an envelope to be mailed.
I talked to the new person at the literature office way over on the Northeast Side today, didn't tell her about the loss. She was very nice, there is a mixup anyway with payments not as caught up as I thought. I kept mispronouncing her name--it's "Lay-uh", not "Lee-uh". Sigh.
Anyway, I am trying to get my mind off my own problems, pay attention to what I am supposed to be doing, keeping track of the literature orders and payments. I have barely been able to do that, obviously just done so badly.
Four years ago, someone stole my wallet at the grocery store. I was distracted, went to the bathroom, opened purse to look at coupons--gone. I vaguely remembered a slightly odd looking man with a child bumping me from behind, something that has never happened to me before in a grocery store, not since then either. But I thought that happened before the wallet was stolen, that I had looked at something in the wallet after that. The thing is though, that last year maybe, I was thinking about it and that could not be the proper order of things happening. I almost told the policeman about the man and the kid, but just didn't. The timing did not seem right.
But the more I think about it, the more I think it was him, I cannot get it out of my mind. If you are out looking for distracted persons with their wallet sticking out, having a three or four year old kid in your cart seat is the perfect cover up.
I figured out a reason why I have been so scared to go to a doctor about being hit by the car, only had the x-ray ni the emergency room. But it's one of those things that lead to thoughts that terrify me.
This is the third time I've had one stolen--it would be nice if housekeeping called and said, oh, we found your purse! I really need to get help, I feel so stupid. I spent a year in therapy trying to get the therapist to help me recover repressed memories. I finally gave up. She ignored me every time I mentioned it. Maybe they don't do that at that clinic because they might help people get a false memory--that's happened. But she should have said so. Unless she wanted to make more money off the county. I'm really ticked at that woman. She really didn't help me.
I need to see some one else, but am scared I just won't trust the person, and will not be able to tell them my real concerns. And something is just eating away at me and I can't think straight, can't function, can't do the things I want and should do. It seems like the wallet stealing in the grocery store was the catalyst for me to keep losing things, books, clothes, etc. I'd leave them at the grocery store inadvertantly, not be able to retrace my steps mentally. I remember praying that day, for the courage to change. And this is what happens. Loss, loss and more loss.
And I am mostly more grateful to be alive and not around some of the people who have hurt me in the past. It's like surgery for cancer is painful, but letting the cancer eat me alive would be worse.
And blah, blah, blah and I got on a computer and felt like there were things I should be doing other than just playing a darned game, like adding to the gratitude list at my online Al-Anon email group. But I felt sad and couldn't do it, just gaming.
Then I noticed, as the announcement came that the library was closing--gee, something was missing. I had three bags when I got there, and for most of the time there, then at the end of the day, two. And it was not my books or my groceries that were missing, it was my handbag with my wallet, ID, money, flash drive, key to a friends house.
I have no idea whether it was actually stolen, or if I left it somehow and then it was taken. I did retrace my steps as far as I could, then reported it to security, checked back with them today. No luck, they said make a police report. Police said, Lost or Stolen? I finally settled on stolen.
I hope whoever found it gets a conscience and decides to at least leave the bag somewhere, but this is downtown, where there are some rough people. This is going to cost me as I had money for group literature, not to mention a money order I had in an envelope to be mailed.
I talked to the new person at the literature office way over on the Northeast Side today, didn't tell her about the loss. She was very nice, there is a mixup anyway with payments not as caught up as I thought. I kept mispronouncing her name--it's "Lay-uh", not "Lee-uh". Sigh.
Anyway, I am trying to get my mind off my own problems, pay attention to what I am supposed to be doing, keeping track of the literature orders and payments. I have barely been able to do that, obviously just done so badly.
Four years ago, someone stole my wallet at the grocery store. I was distracted, went to the bathroom, opened purse to look at coupons--gone. I vaguely remembered a slightly odd looking man with a child bumping me from behind, something that has never happened to me before in a grocery store, not since then either. But I thought that happened before the wallet was stolen, that I had looked at something in the wallet after that. The thing is though, that last year maybe, I was thinking about it and that could not be the proper order of things happening. I almost told the policeman about the man and the kid, but just didn't. The timing did not seem right.
But the more I think about it, the more I think it was him, I cannot get it out of my mind. If you are out looking for distracted persons with their wallet sticking out, having a three or four year old kid in your cart seat is the perfect cover up.
I figured out a reason why I have been so scared to go to a doctor about being hit by the car, only had the x-ray ni the emergency room. But it's one of those things that lead to thoughts that terrify me.
This is the third time I've had one stolen--it would be nice if housekeeping called and said, oh, we found your purse! I really need to get help, I feel so stupid. I spent a year in therapy trying to get the therapist to help me recover repressed memories. I finally gave up. She ignored me every time I mentioned it. Maybe they don't do that at that clinic because they might help people get a false memory--that's happened. But she should have said so. Unless she wanted to make more money off the county. I'm really ticked at that woman. She really didn't help me.
I need to see some one else, but am scared I just won't trust the person, and will not be able to tell them my real concerns. And something is just eating away at me and I can't think straight, can't function, can't do the things I want and should do. It seems like the wallet stealing in the grocery store was the catalyst for me to keep losing things, books, clothes, etc. I'd leave them at the grocery store inadvertantly, not be able to retrace my steps mentally. I remember praying that day, for the courage to change. And this is what happens. Loss, loss and more loss.
And I am mostly more grateful to be alive and not around some of the people who have hurt me in the past. It's like surgery for cancer is painful, but letting the cancer eat me alive would be worse.
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no subject
Date: 2008-12-02 03:30 pm (UTC)And on that trust issue - - you won't know unless you try. If you feel you need help, please seek it!!
no subject
Date: 2008-12-02 06:34 pm (UTC)For the last 6 years I've been pondering joining a church, and finally have found one I'm liking. They have counseling services--which I will approach with caution. This weekend I actually drew up a list of what's bothering me, for the first time, an indication to me that this is really what I want.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-02 07:15 pm (UTC)