"Ruthie" & "Bubba"
Jul. 28th, 2006 03:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
afufleI haven't updated in a million anythings, but had something I wanted to get off my mind, not earthshattering but I didn't want to hurt someone's feelings at another journal.
So I go to 12-step meetings, specifically Alanon, where you talk about your problems with family members friends who are alcoholic/drug addicted. Ruthie & Bubba, a husband and wife, talked constantly about their second son of 4 children, who had a drinking problem he just couldn't shake, was maybe in denial about for a long time. He had trouble holding a job, etc. He borrowed money, couldn't pay it back, his parents were at their wits end.
He just couldn't take care of himself, but finally more or less settled down a bit, got a regular job-ish, not much of one, but steady I guess. He may have been drinking again, last I knew according to them, but not as troubled. Well, one day the dad asked WHY do people just keep on drinking and drinking when they know how much it hurts them, how much it hurts others. I piped in with what I "know", that you can't know a lot of the time. I mentioned that sexual abuse can be what really messes up trying to get better, plus all kinds of trauma that you wouldn't necessarily know about as a family member. For some reason, I think the 'silent invisible click' happened on Bubba's face. You know, like he had a reason to think about the sexual abuse in childhood thing.
I think I recognize them from my parish, my RCC parish, and I really really have a feeling one of them knows something. Plus the fact that it's the same thing again and again, no one can figure out why that one child has been in treatment, seems to want to go get better but just keeps falling again and again.
I just wonder if it's just the resentments, guilt, hopelessness, discouragement and the thought that everything is the same as it always was, a feeling that it's personal the universe is out to get you, plus the fact that your own family doesn't seem to understand despite what is obvious to the user, that something is very wrong. That type of thing is what keeps the misery going. I was reading an account of a guy who was always in trouble, a drug and or alcohol abuser, the whole story, and he gets thrown in jail for drunk driving and is forced to attend group therapy or whatever, be in a program. And the leader of the group knows what's up, because he says, okay, boy, what's the REAL thing going on? And the guy spills his gutsabout his father and uncles molesting him. Not rape in the absolute strictest sense*, because it sounds like there was seduction or a "party atmosphere" involved, but maybe it wasn't that. But it was rape, child molestation by the closest family members, male on male. So he was raped, undoubtedly made to keep quiet about it.
And you know what--Bubba and Ruthie are both rotund really big. I don't mean to throw stones, but they are both obese. And victims of sexual abuse often have body problems like over and undereating, sexual abusers of children are really likely to have been abused themselves and they are fairly likely [this part is my somewhat educated opinion]to have multiple personalities. Again a true life account to help illustrate--a man confessed to molesting his daughter and explained that he didn't even realize he was doing it. He thought child molestation was disgusting, but at times he'd change into another mode. This was not a man trying to make excuses to get out of jail, he was totally trying to reveal what happened. I don't know what made him get himself together and be able to see what happened, but I'm guessing the molestation-hating personality prevailed and became the core personality. Anyway, I can absolutely believe that, have seen some odd things happen in myself as I remember things I'm ashamed to have done, just in the way of being mean to little kids. And my behavior was pretty much due to the fact that my dad was a bastard to us, hit us, shook the little girls when we cried, said goddamn it shuttup, all kinds of stuff. My mom sat back and looked the other way, or never knew for the most part. Then again, she was too sick to want to know, and has continued on that way.
Anyway, I think Bubba knew some things, may have been responsible for some stuff, and Ruthie should probably have known but couldn't put 2 and 2 together, couldn't face the music.
What really hurts is that they seemed like such nice likeable people, and they needed someone to help them know what was going on, someone to help them heal their own problems, someone to ask them what they know, or other family members or neighbors or whatever, know about junior. But I don't think they are going to get what they need. If they are still Catholic, the chances of them finding anyone in their parish
...I have to break for a bit...
[*-don't jump on me, it's rape if it's rape, statutory, seduction or whatever, I just want to make clear what happened.]
So I go to 12-step meetings, specifically Alanon, where you talk about your problems with family members friends who are alcoholic/drug addicted. Ruthie & Bubba, a husband and wife, talked constantly about their second son of 4 children, who had a drinking problem he just couldn't shake, was maybe in denial about for a long time. He had trouble holding a job, etc. He borrowed money, couldn't pay it back, his parents were at their wits end.
He just couldn't take care of himself, but finally more or less settled down a bit, got a regular job-ish, not much of one, but steady I guess. He may have been drinking again, last I knew according to them, but not as troubled. Well, one day the dad asked WHY do people just keep on drinking and drinking when they know how much it hurts them, how much it hurts others. I piped in with what I "know", that you can't know a lot of the time. I mentioned that sexual abuse can be what really messes up trying to get better, plus all kinds of trauma that you wouldn't necessarily know about as a family member. For some reason, I think the 'silent invisible click' happened on Bubba's face. You know, like he had a reason to think about the sexual abuse in childhood thing.
I think I recognize them from my parish, my RCC parish, and I really really have a feeling one of them knows something. Plus the fact that it's the same thing again and again, no one can figure out why that one child has been in treatment, seems to want to go get better but just keeps falling again and again.
I just wonder if it's just the resentments, guilt, hopelessness, discouragement and the thought that everything is the same as it always was, a feeling that it's personal the universe is out to get you, plus the fact that your own family doesn't seem to understand despite what is obvious to the user, that something is very wrong. That type of thing is what keeps the misery going. I was reading an account of a guy who was always in trouble, a drug and or alcohol abuser, the whole story, and he gets thrown in jail for drunk driving and is forced to attend group therapy or whatever, be in a program. And the leader of the group knows what's up, because he says, okay, boy, what's the REAL thing going on? And the guy spills his gutsabout his father and uncles molesting him. Not rape in the absolute strictest sense*, because it sounds like there was seduction or a "party atmosphere" involved, but maybe it wasn't that. But it was rape, child molestation by the closest family members, male on male. So he was raped, undoubtedly made to keep quiet about it.
And you know what--Bubba and Ruthie are both rotund really big. I don't mean to throw stones, but they are both obese. And victims of sexual abuse often have body problems like over and undereating, sexual abusers of children are really likely to have been abused themselves and they are fairly likely [this part is my somewhat educated opinion]to have multiple personalities. Again a true life account to help illustrate--a man confessed to molesting his daughter and explained that he didn't even realize he was doing it. He thought child molestation was disgusting, but at times he'd change into another mode. This was not a man trying to make excuses to get out of jail, he was totally trying to reveal what happened. I don't know what made him get himself together and be able to see what happened, but I'm guessing the molestation-hating personality prevailed and became the core personality. Anyway, I can absolutely believe that, have seen some odd things happen in myself as I remember things I'm ashamed to have done, just in the way of being mean to little kids. And my behavior was pretty much due to the fact that my dad was a bastard to us, hit us, shook the little girls when we cried, said goddamn it shuttup, all kinds of stuff. My mom sat back and looked the other way, or never knew for the most part. Then again, she was too sick to want to know, and has continued on that way.
Anyway, I think Bubba knew some things, may have been responsible for some stuff, and Ruthie should probably have known but couldn't put 2 and 2 together, couldn't face the music.
What really hurts is that they seemed like such nice likeable people, and they needed someone to help them know what was going on, someone to help them heal their own problems, someone to ask them what they know, or other family members or neighbors or whatever, know about junior. But I don't think they are going to get what they need. If they are still Catholic, the chances of them finding anyone in their parish
...I have to break for a bit...
[*-don't jump on me, it's rape if it's rape, statutory, seduction or whatever, I just want to make clear what happened.]
