Rolls eyes @ LJ...
Jun. 24th, 2004 01:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
afufleWell, I shouldn't really complain, but LJ won't let me manage userpics, so all I can see is a red-X icon, you know what I mean.
Finally going to see HP3, if all goes well, good Lord willing, creek don't rise & dementors don't catch me.
I was thinking on my way here that I feel so rich when I have any money at all. Except that sometimes no matter how much money I have, I never seem to have enough. The thought hit that once I read my sister's diary (once), and she'd started it "I wish I were more poor so God would love me more". I don't think she ever kept up the diary, and she'd probably laugh if I told her that.
I never did that again, but at the time I thought, oh, jeez, I used to feel that way when I was a kid. I thought I ought to think that way again. LAter she decided she wanted to be rich and famous, and at that time, I thought, I'm over that kind of thinking, I know I won't be rich or famous. She usually seems to have enough money, I think I never have enough. Bleah. I wonder if I'm defeating myself by unconsciously wanting to be rich so God will stop punishing me (whenever I have no money, it feels like I'm being punished--well, sometimes).
What's my point here? Uh, so God punishes whom he loves, I'm wanting money to not be punished so much, but wanting also to be poor. Okay, this strikes me as very neurotic thinking, but also kind of normal in a way. If you live in this world and don't have the occasional neurotic conversation monologue going on in your head, how normal are you, anyway????????
But I need a job, don't have one, people I live with hate me for that, plus that I increasingly just disappear and get on the interenet and don't appear to be doing anything for myself. Whatever, I better look at movie times again.
Finally going to see HP3, if all goes well, good Lord willing, creek don't rise & dementors don't catch me.
I was thinking on my way here that I feel so rich when I have any money at all. Except that sometimes no matter how much money I have, I never seem to have enough. The thought hit that once I read my sister's diary (once), and she'd started it "I wish I were more poor so God would love me more". I don't think she ever kept up the diary, and she'd probably laugh if I told her that.
I never did that again, but at the time I thought, oh, jeez, I used to feel that way when I was a kid. I thought I ought to think that way again. LAter she decided she wanted to be rich and famous, and at that time, I thought, I'm over that kind of thinking, I know I won't be rich or famous. She usually seems to have enough money, I think I never have enough. Bleah. I wonder if I'm defeating myself by unconsciously wanting to be rich so God will stop punishing me (whenever I have no money, it feels like I'm being punished--well, sometimes).
What's my point here? Uh, so God punishes whom he loves, I'm wanting money to not be punished so much, but wanting also to be poor. Okay, this strikes me as very neurotic thinking, but also kind of normal in a way. If you live in this world and don't have the occasional neurotic conversation monologue going on in your head, how normal are you, anyway????????
But I need a job, don't have one, people I live with hate me for that, plus that I increasingly just disappear and get on the interenet and don't appear to be doing anything for myself. Whatever, I better look at movie times again.
