![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
afufleHaha--my sis & I were talking about sunblock to keep from getting sunburned. I said, oh, I need to put some on I guess, or burn up like last time; she said, "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it feels the pain again," which was hilarious. It's from Silence of the Lambs.
I have pale Irish-English-German-Swiss-Swedish skin, but like to walk a lot, so sometimes I just wear hats to keep my skin from frying. If I wear sunscreen, it tends to give me pimples.
Having a good time lately, esp. when you consider there is a closing on the house tomorrow, suddenly notified this afternoon. So I need to find a new place to live (probably for free, since I have no $$$$$). I recently went through a no-food crisis, though I had money in the bank. It was only $100, which I need to keep there to keep the account open. The balance needs to be back up there again by July 1, or I lose my savings account, which I don't care to do. Did that once, never again, I hope. I was just not taking care of myself that time. I have a blind spot when it comes to doing that. Suddenly I realize I'm handling things the way my mom did, not really caring about herself or anyone else, believing that living miserably cheap is the best way, not just to save toward an improvement in life, to make an investment, but to live cheap.
I did find out there is one really good food in my backyard, free and available all summer. But I'm scared. I know if I just hold on and believe it's for the best, it WILL work out. It always works that way. But I just have to wade through this awful part of myself, just my memories and the way I was taught to think. It's painful and it goes from my mind through my body. I guess everyone learns the hard way sometimes, but it just feels like I manage to have crises at a regular beat. I may go through it by myself or ask people who I know care to give me sympathy and caring, but it hurts. I get so anxious knowing it's coming.
Then I know I caused it the whole time, or maybe worse, someone else did and I'm blaming myself. Better that than the other way around, I guess, better to err on the side of caution.
I have pale Irish-English-German-Swiss-Swedish skin, but like to walk a lot, so sometimes I just wear hats to keep my skin from frying. If I wear sunscreen, it tends to give me pimples.
Having a good time lately, esp. when you consider there is a closing on the house tomorrow, suddenly notified this afternoon. So I need to find a new place to live (probably for free, since I have no $$$$$). I recently went through a no-food crisis, though I had money in the bank. It was only $100, which I need to keep there to keep the account open. The balance needs to be back up there again by July 1, or I lose my savings account, which I don't care to do. Did that once, never again, I hope. I was just not taking care of myself that time. I have a blind spot when it comes to doing that. Suddenly I realize I'm handling things the way my mom did, not really caring about herself or anyone else, believing that living miserably cheap is the best way, not just to save toward an improvement in life, to make an investment, but to live cheap.
I did find out there is one really good food in my backyard, free and available all summer. But I'm scared. I know if I just hold on and believe it's for the best, it WILL work out. It always works that way. But I just have to wade through this awful part of myself, just my memories and the way I was taught to think. It's painful and it goes from my mind through my body. I guess everyone learns the hard way sometimes, but it just feels like I manage to have crises at a regular beat. I may go through it by myself or ask people who I know care to give me sympathy and caring, but it hurts. I get so anxious knowing it's coming.
Then I know I caused it the whole time, or maybe worse, someone else did and I'm blaming myself. Better that than the other way around, I guess, better to err on the side of caution.
