(no subject)

Snagged from chordoflife :

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which once again
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
definition.

The winners

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it's a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only
a nightgown.

7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies
up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.


I have no explanation for why "Karmageddon" made me laugh as much as it did.

(no subject)

I feel so guilty. A couple years ago, I reported a priest who I am darn sure frequented male hookers. I've been following this happening, I am still sure I am not wrong, years after I found out about it I met these two guys. They are still failry major thieves(one of them stole my wallet when I was walking down the street), ne'er-do-wells, addicts. One has been in and out of jail, and he and his seemingly more stable friend live closeby. They help the neighborhood crack dealer, presumably for a little of the goods.

I found someone who knew a member of the board that investigates these guys. He was investigated and nothing was found, he was reinstated adn it saying mass. I went to a friend's dad's funeral, and he was was right up there giving a quick intro (it was a funeral home, not a church).

I kept squirming so he wouldn't see me, though he probably did. And also I was just mad just to see him. I think he should be open about his sex addiction, his using prostitutes. I don't mean in the sense of "here's what I do, I think it's okay." I mean in the sense that, "wow, I was a sex addict, and when I should have been counseling people like this and leading them away from street crime, not contributing to it. And I think he got the money to pay them from the poor box once. He showed no recognition, though you never know.

My friend who was sitting next to me said she sure knew something was wrong (I'm always sure people can't read me, but I'm obviously transparent). I told her about it. I also told her I have a still repressed memory about visiting this guy with his sister and "My Best Friend" from high school. I was walking in the middle of the night on impulse, after midnight, barefoot, and stepped on a slug. It popped. My Best Friend and her friend, the priest's sister just happened to be walking my way. We went to the rectory and ... I don't remember anything else.  But I'm beginning to think that it's very odd I don't remember it. What did we talk about? Maybe it was nothing.

Anyway, I don't know if anything at all unusual happened, or if I'm just paranoid.

In my many little messages from Heaven, I had been hearing, "Aquila Non Capit Muscas"--the eagle does not catch flies. I do feel, I tried my best, and I think from my effort that I have found out more about certain people that I am glad to know. In the sense that I think they are not improving life on the planet and I don't care to be their friends.

His sister just passed me in the library, that's when I felt the guilt. She has a bunch of little kids, not all of them hers, to take care of. Even if he's guilty as hell, and I think so, and even if he should be repentant and open about it, is it my business unless I actually SAW the sex act I am so sure happened?

He's mostly a boring priest, by the way. That's a sin right there.