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People who help too much:they help when they aren't asked, not out of good intentions really, but to boost their reputations and most likely to TRY to fill an empty hole inside their own selves. These are stupid, selfish people who have no sense of being accepted by god or their parents or anyone. Let me emphasized that it does feel good to help people, but I'm talking about people who only try to please themselves, and if the person they help seems to have some objection to what they are proposing or doing, they have a reason why it's just best to do it their way.
I had a particular person in mind. The entry got lost, I guess because I didn't release it in time. Anyway this jerk, initials BS, I think, pushed me into getting a job when I had been homeless for three months and jobless for much much longer. She was just so nice, but I felt uneasy about it and even had a major mishap before she came to pick me up to go applying. She had said, come on, we'll apply for jobs together--jobs she was suited for but I wasn't, jobs way to far for me on the bus, and I mentioned all this. She pooh-poohed my comments.
I wasn't really ready to work again. The only reason I had any confidence about this one job was that someone else I knew a little worked there and suggested I file an app. She turned up her nose at the neighborhood, and didn't want to apply there, but I did and got the job. I had all kinds of problems, but was making good old cash, so stuck with it.
Finally got struck by an suv in a crosswalk very early in the a.m. on my way home from the usual late shift. I just lost heart. I was risking my life for a job that paid $7.50 an hour (okay, money not bad for not working in forever, plus I got small bonuses if I was extra productive). But I was diagnosed as depressed later, somewhat mild, but this and really bad health and problems with not being able to sleep because of my work schedule all added up to make me a zombie, not to mention the fact that I didn't exactly feel at home with the people I was living with. Lots of stress, and I couldn't afford to move out.
Just a few months later when I saw her again, she asked whether I was applying for jobs, was I working. No, I said. I was depressed and disgusted, though I didn't say that part. She asked me next time I saw her was I going back to the old job (I hadn't told her about most of the problems). No, not planning to. She said, it's better than nothing. I resolved then not to let her bother me. I know she knew I'd been hit by a car, since acquaintances would have told her. If not, she didn't know me well at all anyway, and the Alanon Twelve-step Program we were both in should have prevented her from pushing, pushing, pushing me into a situation I was obviously uncomfortable with. She was some sort of counselor for something with a volunteer organization, and obviously thought she was hot stuff. Really. You might have to meet her or to hear her talking to me the way she does to really understand, but I think you'll probably get the idea.
She isn't as smart or as well-qualified as she seems to think she is. AND, our program clearly states not to give others advice or try to solve their problems for them, especially if it's something the person could do for themselves. If I can't get some kind of job by myself, I couldn't handle anything she could do for me. The program clearly stresses again and again that we are not to judge others or assume we know what their problems are or situation is.
Alanon strictly wants us to stop being control freaks and stop trying to fix other people as though we are God. This woman is doing that in spades with me. I haven't made clear to her all of the problems I had with the job, but I have a strong feeling that that wouldn't help. She'd just come up with something else. She's just like my mom--my mom would push and push and push her ideas on me until I just gave up and was so unhappy. I talked with one person about this, and she said maybe you could just say, "well that's just not where I'm at at the moment."
Believe me, that will sound flippant to BS. Then again, it's an idea. I just know that whatever I say there will be another reason why she knows I'm wrong and she's right and so helpful, but Liz just needs to be told over and over again the 'sensible' thing to do, and then she'll do it.
Now I realize I shouldn't have let her push me in the first place. But I didn't know that, just let her walk all over me, even though it was obvious she was just feeding her ego, not caring to get to really know me.
Last time I talked to her I gave in to her. I said I'd had to go 2 1/2 hours on the bus each way and it was murder. She said, "I had to use the bus years ago, too, but I was just glad there was a bus." I said, "oh, I'm glad I have the bus too." Very kissassy.
Can you believe that though? 5 hour a day on a flipping bus is murder. Commuting adds a lot of stress to life, according to experts, and I think that's right. My problems are nothing to her. She's been in Alanon longer than I have, but she's not practicing the program, and the heart of the problem is she's a bitter person who won't let go of all her resentments and cheer up and live life and work hard on her character.
Sorry if I'm explaining too much. This woman is just witch, and I keep having the feeling I'll never get rid of her. I had gotten her to stop talking to her by not responding to her crap, just saying uh, huh, uh, huh. So she shut up and admitted at a meeting that just in general, she was still trying to be a mom to everyone. I figured I didn't have to worry. I talked to her next meeting to say what a nice new haircut she had (it really did look nice, she had an ugly one before). That was my big mistake. Being nice to her.
I guess I'll see how it goes, but I keep worrying I'll lose my dignity even more before this is over. I keep wanting to have it out with her, and let her have a taste of my temper and self-righteousness. Either that or just let her think I'm a huge stupid loser who doesn't care if she has a job, as long as she doesn't have to ride the bus just a little. Bitch, I say again. I'd really be fine if I never had to see her again, but that's probably not going to happen.
Buggerette.
I had a particular person in mind. The entry got lost, I guess because I didn't release it in time. Anyway this jerk, initials BS, I think, pushed me into getting a job when I had been homeless for three months and jobless for much much longer. She was just so nice, but I felt uneasy about it and even had a major mishap before she came to pick me up to go applying. She had said, come on, we'll apply for jobs together--jobs she was suited for but I wasn't, jobs way to far for me on the bus, and I mentioned all this. She pooh-poohed my comments.
I wasn't really ready to work again. The only reason I had any confidence about this one job was that someone else I knew a little worked there and suggested I file an app. She turned up her nose at the neighborhood, and didn't want to apply there, but I did and got the job. I had all kinds of problems, but was making good old cash, so stuck with it.
Finally got struck by an suv in a crosswalk very early in the a.m. on my way home from the usual late shift. I just lost heart. I was risking my life for a job that paid $7.50 an hour (okay, money not bad for not working in forever, plus I got small bonuses if I was extra productive). But I was diagnosed as depressed later, somewhat mild, but this and really bad health and problems with not being able to sleep because of my work schedule all added up to make me a zombie, not to mention the fact that I didn't exactly feel at home with the people I was living with. Lots of stress, and I couldn't afford to move out.
Just a few months later when I saw her again, she asked whether I was applying for jobs, was I working. No, I said. I was depressed and disgusted, though I didn't say that part. She asked me next time I saw her was I going back to the old job (I hadn't told her about most of the problems). No, not planning to. She said, it's better than nothing. I resolved then not to let her bother me. I know she knew I'd been hit by a car, since acquaintances would have told her. If not, she didn't know me well at all anyway, and the Alanon Twelve-step Program we were both in should have prevented her from pushing, pushing, pushing me into a situation I was obviously uncomfortable with. She was some sort of counselor for something with a volunteer organization, and obviously thought she was hot stuff. Really. You might have to meet her or to hear her talking to me the way she does to really understand, but I think you'll probably get the idea.
She isn't as smart or as well-qualified as she seems to think she is. AND, our program clearly states not to give others advice or try to solve their problems for them, especially if it's something the person could do for themselves. If I can't get some kind of job by myself, I couldn't handle anything she could do for me. The program clearly stresses again and again that we are not to judge others or assume we know what their problems are or situation is.
Alanon strictly wants us to stop being control freaks and stop trying to fix other people as though we are God. This woman is doing that in spades with me. I haven't made clear to her all of the problems I had with the job, but I have a strong feeling that that wouldn't help. She'd just come up with something else. She's just like my mom--my mom would push and push and push her ideas on me until I just gave up and was so unhappy. I talked with one person about this, and she said maybe you could just say, "well that's just not where I'm at at the moment."
Believe me, that will sound flippant to BS. Then again, it's an idea. I just know that whatever I say there will be another reason why she knows I'm wrong and she's right and so helpful, but Liz just needs to be told over and over again the 'sensible' thing to do, and then she'll do it.
Now I realize I shouldn't have let her push me in the first place. But I didn't know that, just let her walk all over me, even though it was obvious she was just feeding her ego, not caring to get to really know me.
Last time I talked to her I gave in to her. I said I'd had to go 2 1/2 hours on the bus each way and it was murder. She said, "I had to use the bus years ago, too, but I was just glad there was a bus." I said, "oh, I'm glad I have the bus too." Very kissassy.
Can you believe that though? 5 hour a day on a flipping bus is murder. Commuting adds a lot of stress to life, according to experts, and I think that's right. My problems are nothing to her. She's been in Alanon longer than I have, but she's not practicing the program, and the heart of the problem is she's a bitter person who won't let go of all her resentments and cheer up and live life and work hard on her character.
Sorry if I'm explaining too much. This woman is just witch, and I keep having the feeling I'll never get rid of her. I had gotten her to stop talking to her by not responding to her crap, just saying uh, huh, uh, huh. So she shut up and admitted at a meeting that just in general, she was still trying to be a mom to everyone. I figured I didn't have to worry. I talked to her next meeting to say what a nice new haircut she had (it really did look nice, she had an ugly one before). That was my big mistake. Being nice to her.
I guess I'll see how it goes, but I keep worrying I'll lose my dignity even more before this is over. I keep wanting to have it out with her, and let her have a taste of my temper and self-righteousness. Either that or just let her think I'm a huge stupid loser who doesn't care if she has a job, as long as she doesn't have to ride the bus just a little. Bitch, I say again. I'd really be fine if I never had to see her again, but that's probably not going to happen.
Buggerette.
