Dam

So to speak. I'm supposed to be at my mom's house (according to me), but the front door is latched--not locked so I could open it with my key, but latched. My mom's car is at the back of the driveway, so I guess she's there--maybe not, come to think of it. I guess I'm not even sure if that's her car. I guess I'll have to do it anyway. But I have to go to Linda's tonight.

I don't know what the problem is, I hate being scared of my mom, but it's just my reactions to her. She just seems to upset me with every word she says. Geez, I have to pack things to go to Linda's so I guess I really missed my chance to pack some things.

Buggers, 2 min. left. Gotta go. Nervous.

Ech

Well, got more minutes to settle my stomach, which I'm not sure will settle. I forgot to download my new Mr. Darling icon (Jason Isaacs as Mr. Darling in Peter Pan). Right at the moment, I can only download as bitmap, and the system won't be fixed. No biggie, I'm just being neurotic. But everytime I say, buckup, get hard--I do something foolish that I really don't want to do. It seems, anyway. But I don't think I can do something when my stomach is screaming no, no, no, awake, awake, fear, fire, foes....ya know?

Supposedly she's not still drinking. But my mind can't let go of trying to predict what hopeless situation she'll try to put me, how she'll slash away with words, and trying to think what to say back. But I really need to get going, and I really cant' predict whether she'll be in a good, bad or indifferent mood. This has got me tizzy-ish in a way I haven't been for a while. I'm just nervous, apfeldanzig, whatever. On tenterhooks, somewhat. I think it's a feeling that will fade with time, and I want it to, but I feel somewhat like I'm tethered to a stake and every time I get determined to go straight ahead, I end up going in circles.

So blah, blah, blah--I'm really upset about this, which is why I go on typing and typing. Times like these are one of the big reasons why I took up paper journalling in the first place. When I'm upset, I can write and write and write. Not well, or interestingly, but it's better than doing nothing!

Jeez, though, wish I could feel less nervous and do something constructive.